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Granite Falls Advocate Tribune - Granite Falls, MN
Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!
What’s Hiding in Your Junk Drawer?
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About this blog
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, ...
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Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, \x34The Balancing Act.\x34 She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.
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By lostinsuburbiablog
Feb. 5, 2013 11:30 a.m.



junk drawer



I am the queen of organization. But the one place in the house that defies my vast organizational skills is the junk drawer. The junk drawer is that place in everyone’s home that becomes the final resting place for every pen, penny, tchotchke and doohickey that doesn’t belong anywhere else. The problem with the junk drawer, of course, is you can never find anything in it. It is like the black hole of the kitchen universe. Things get sucked in and then they never come out.



From time to time, the junk drawer becomes so completely overstuffed with junk that I do actually have to clean it out.

Screen Shot 2013-02-05 at 10.05.20 AMWhile I am happy to finally get the drawer organized, I’m not a big fan of the actual cleaning. Since I am not the only one to dump stuff in the junk drawer, I have discovered such treasures as wadded-up tissues, teeth the tooth fairy forgot to take away, and even a dead mouse, once. Knowing that dead things could be expertly hidden in that drawer for a prolonged period of time, I might have suggested to authorities that they look for Jimmy Hoffa in there. But since a) the drawer isn’t really big enough to hold a person and b) if they did find him, it would have turned my kitchen into a media circus and then I would never have time to organize my junk drawer again, I didn’t bother.

The cause for the most recent excavation of the junk drawer was a pencil. My daughter needed one and although I swore up and down that there was a box of them in the junk drawer, neither of us could find one in there. However, since we pulled half the contents of the drawer out while searching for the pencil, I figured I might as well finish the job.

Screen Shot 2013-02-05 at 10.06.31 AMHere is what I found in the drawer:



1. A dozen dried up Sharpie markers



2. 8 broken pens



3. 4 nail clippers



4. A bazillion paper clips, staples, rubber bands, and buttons



5. Loose change from a foreign country



6. Loose change from this country



7. Loose change with Chuck E. Cheese’s face on it



8. A mini parasol umbrella from a tropical drink



9. Two stale Doritos



10. A Barbie head



11. A folded up article about how to get rid of stink bugs



Screen Shot 2013-02-05 at 10.13.10 AM12. A dead stink bug



13. Scotch tape, duct tape, masking tape, packaging tape, electrical tape, wood glue, Elmer’s glue, and Gorilla glue.



14. A tuning fork



15. A cassette tape with a lot of the tape hanging out



16. An open egg of Silly Putty



17. Packets of soy sauce



18. A Scooby doo pen light



19. A sticker that says, “Be nice to me, I gave blood today.”



20. No pencils

They say you can learn a lot about a person by what they keep in their junk drawer. According to my junk drawer, I am a Dorito-snacking, blood-donating, soy sauce-loving, Barbie-decapitating, Chuck E. Cheese-visiting, tone-deaf and utterly pencil-less mom, who plays with silly putty and watches Scooby Doo, is tape and glue obsessed, and is desperate to get rid of Stink Bugs.

I think that sounds about right.

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.



FINAL Book Cover copyMy new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available for PRE-ORDER! Yes, I know it won’t be out for 4 months, but think of how excited you’ll be in anticipation of receiving your copy the moment it comes out!” To pre-order yours, VISIT HERE>

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