Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Do you know where the gift for your wife is coming from?

Valentine’s Day is not for the insensitive. Just when we think our actions are heartfelt, we’re always one bad gift away from heartache.

Here are some bits of advice on what not to bestow upon your sweetie when the romantic moment arrives.

 Never give a loved one a gift that screams “I love every ounce of you!” Your honey may not want to be weighed.


In hindsight for some of us, and hopefully foresight for the rest of you, the treadmill or the stepping machine were bad gift ideas. The exercise bike didn’t exactly endear us to our sweethearts as much as a box of chocolates, either.

You may be thinking, “Am I a nice guy or what? See I was listening to you all the time when you said you wanted to start exercising.” But the first thoughts she gets when the gift arrives will be “You think I NEED to exercise?” and “Are you calling me fat?”

GO FOR QUANTITY

n If you get flowers, get more than one.


A bouquet of flowers tells a person that you love her enough to turn off the movie, get up off the couch, go to a flower shop, pick a type of flower, choose the color,  pay for a whole bunch of them, carry them to the car, and keep them safe until you walk them to your loved one’s doorstep, keeping it a surprise by holding them behind you even though you have a bad shoulder and it really hurts.

Buying a single flower, no matter how red the rose, might just mean you’re cheap. And you can’t carry much. Or maybe the shoulder is even worse than your incessant whining.

 Remember that a sports bar during a big televised basketball game is not necessarily a perfect time and place to offer up a romantic dinner.


Many of those places haven’t even had matches to light the candles since smoking was banned from restaurants in so many states. And unless you have issues that require you to date an optometrist, looking longingly into your darling’s pupils while keeping an eye on the large screen is going to stretch your peripheral vision well beyond the ability of your eyeballs, no matter how much you care.

IT’S BETTER TO GIVE

 

If you’re giving, you shouldn’t plan to receive. Face it guys, giving your mate a small and flimsy nightgown really is a gift for you. Understand girls, cooking your spouse your favorite dinner is really ... well, all right, I guess. Guys will eat anything and like it. Got a favorite dessert, too?

 

Whatever you give, hand it over on Valentine’s Day. Giving a gift the day before, no matter how thoughtful and loving the gesture, might leave your loved one asking “Tasty chocolates, but you made plans to play poker with your buddies tomorrow, didn’t you?”


 And bringing a card that says “I love you” the next day could make your special someone think you forgot Valentine’s Day, especially if you’ve scribbled “I loved you yesterday, and ...” in front of the sentiment and “... today, too” at the end.